...spring has sprung...

Look what I found in my backyard under my bedroom windows.  I've got three rosebushes out there and they are FILLED with blooms.  I love being able to cut and bring them inside to appreciate.  I think that a cutting garden needs to be in the planning as well as my veggie garden.

Gardens.......that needs to be another post.  I have some ideas I want to get down...fencing, plants, flowers....excitement!

I'm out of that funk I was in, everyone is safe.  Birthdays are always so disappointing, you'd think I'd learn by now that there is no one (besides my sister) who is going to make it anything at all.  I need to just decide to do it myself.

Onward to the end.....

I'm 50 today.  This is the first and only birthday that has bothered me and it's bothering me a LOT.  Over half my life is gone.  Women in my family aren't long lived.  Mom lived to 62 and her mom was in her 50's.  I'm afraid that the longer dreams and things get put off, the more likely they are not to ever happen.  I may not have a lot of time left, I want some good in my life but seriously wonder if it will happen.

Alone at 50 with no one to share life's joys and burdens sucks the big times.   Yea, I'm in a crappy mood for this birthday.  Top it all off?  I don't think my kids will remember and they are all I have left.  Oh well.  Just another day....who cares. 

Latest Video

No shushing allowed

Mention libraries and people automatically go into shush mode.  I'm sorry but libraries are changing and public libraries especially.  We have to change to stay relevant professionals.  Technology is taking over.  Cell phones are our number one method of communicating whether text or vocally.  I can not tell you how often library members need to access an account online and talk on their phone to the representative.  I have no problem with this.  Bring out the cell phones.  Bring your lunch or a drink (just not at the computers).

More important, libraries are becoming the center of the community.  Not just for information, but for hanging out and chatting, meeting up, playing games.  Talking requires a bit of noise.  I'm all for it.  I want to share information, laugh, have fun.  No more stereo types at my library about shushing librarians, or the librarian from the black lagoon.  We're not monsters.  Typically we're happy, a bit off kilter, goofy, people that like to laugh, love artists of all kinds, enjoy diversity and love to chat.  Come on, visit with us.....I promise, no shushing from THIS librarian.

AARP

I joined a few minutes ago.  I had a few minutes where I cried.  How can I be that old and where did my life go?  I feel 27 inside, wishing I could do so much of it over again and not be affected by what people thought or expected.  Still no clue why in the world we are here.  Guess it's just all a little piece of evolution.

Cirque du Soliel - Dralion

When I bought the tickets it seemed such a long wait for Dralion to arrive at the Cedar Park Center.  It is now seven days before arrival, 10 days before I get to take my girls and go see the show live.  I'm so excited.  The last time I saw it live, Melissa was a new baby so it has been 14 years.  Can't wait to see the girls reactions to it.

And the changes continue

It's been way too long since I've written but I've been debating about this.  Is this blog supposed to be a journal of my inner thoughts?  Uncensored?  A place to air my questions without fear of being judged?  Or have I decided to write it to share with those I care about what is going on? 

Originally it was the latter.  I suppose that is so to an extent still, and because of that I've not written in quite some time.  My life has been chaos, difficult, confusing, out of my control, not of my choosing, something I want to run away from, disassociate myself from.......and as a result I've chosen not to journal about everything going on though it probably would have been a good thing for me to write down and work out what was going on in my head.  But......I've been angry and upset as well and don't want to write things that could be read by someone that would take them personally or misinterpret them, so I've held back.  Still haven't resolved all this but have recently decided that I need to figure out if I can have a completely private place to journal, kind of like Doogie Howser but without reading it to the television camera.

So.....one thing I've learned for the 100th time is to take care of me and do things for me.  I'm still figuring out who Sandy is, after being the girls mom for so long, and I'm finally doing things.  I bought tickets for the girls and I to go to Cirque du  Soleil in a couple weeks.  In May, I'm going to see Trans Siberian Orchestra with a few friends.  I've initiated the contact and event and need to feel more comfortable doing that.  If I want to do something, chances are there is someone else I know out there that does too.  I need to open my mouth and cultivate those friendships more for my own sanity.

*raises glass* here's to hoping I can continue my blog......without long interruptions due to that thing called life.