...uplifting...

I sometimes get in a funk and really for no reason.  I find myself just kind of without feeling, kind of down, but I can't attribute it to anything.  I feel sad and not sure why or what to do about it although I'm aware of it.  It lingers, kind of encapsulating me for a short period of time (few days).  I need to figure it out, challenge it and shake it off when it descends.  How to do this has been on my mind for a while.

Do I push my body til it screams?  Sometimes I think physical exertion is the basic need.  I wish I could run or walk like a demon but my feet won't let me for long.  But do I walk and push through it hard?  Then come back and lift whatever weights I can til I'm aching?  Wish I was a natural athlete and had tendencies to do this, but I can try.

I've been trying to read positive, mindful things.  Am I simply not bombarding myself with this stuff enough?  Or is that just too "light"?

I've not found any pattern to this, but now that I'm in one, I'm hyper-aware.  I find it hard to smile and laugh.  God I hate this.  Sometimes I think I just need life to stop and let me off the ride, give me a time out where I don't have the crunch to make money.  I want some time at home to do "stuff" like build chicken coops and dig in the dirt, plant fruit trees, organize the house, pound nails and paint walls.  I'm a bit tired of being responsible.  I want to enjoy more.

Maybe it's just time to take a sick day for mental healths sake.  I'm sure Stacy is aware and is just being too sweet not saying anything, but I'm aware that he's aware and tip-toeing.  These are the times I just want my Mommy.  .....tired of being a grown up.....

Later.....Found this article  about 10 Reasons to Stop Working So Hard and thought it applied here a bit....more to think about.  One thing I want to do is plan something we really want to do, a trip.  And just GO FOR IT.  Perhaps more of a goal will help.  All I know is nothing can hurt and I need to consciously try things.