Restart, life is a series of.....

So things get to us, to me obviously based on my post yesterday. Hate that so much anxiety and frustration can result from people playing you.  Couple things need to happen.  I need to do all that I can to set boundaries and let those boundaries be very clear to those involved.  I need to also not let it get to me when things pass by those boundaries.  Set everything up in advance, everyone will know what to expect from me.  I need to for once in my life put me first.  I've never done that and if I'm going to be the best me I can and take care of others or help others, and enjoy life, I need to for ONCE in my life be first.

Soooo hard to swallow that idea.  I'm always last.  Mom orders her food based on what her child will eat and then mom eats what ever is left.  Give give give......take care of everyone.  That's the mantra we hear as women, as care takers, and some of us more profoundly than others.  Guilty.

So.....got that frustration out yesterday and no I didn't let it ruin the entire evening.  Dealt with and was done.  BUT....I am going to restart fresh again.  Again.  And again I'm sure.  I will continue screwing up and letting things get to me but I'm gonna try harder.  This is the impetus behind this whole zen, mindfulness thing for me.  It's an experience and will get better and more natural every day.