What I see....

I took a pic of Stacy I loved and apparently he wasn't crazy about, not sure why, but it's what I see when I look at him, and I like it. Decided to mess around with it and grunge it a bit. I'll see what he says when he views it again. But regardless....this is my Stacy. 

....running through my head.....

2013 just went way too fast and I've personally been very aware of the new year looming. 

The changes my life went through in 2013 had their roots in okcupid.com.  I had signed up for an online dating site hoping to meet someone but seriously doubting I ever would.  At the very end of 2012 I started chatting with Stacy Underwood....we had our first date on December 29 at the San Marcos Chili's and that started a ball rolling that hasn't stopped to this day.  Honestly, I don't plan on it ever stopping, I foresee a beautiful future ahead.

2013 brought an end to many eras in my life.  My tenure at the Liberty Hill Public Library was coming to an end, little did I know.  Hard thing to do/deal with but to gain the man I love, very worth it.  It honestly was time for me to move on, for both me and the library, we both had more growing to do.

The one and only house I'd purchased all by myself was sold in record time.  30 days from date of listing to date of handing over the keys.  

I moved.  Within Texas, but leaving my oldest daughter behind.  I want my children to never be restrained feeling they need to be near me.  I want them to fly their highest and reach their ultimate potential, following their dreams.  I've watched Becca become a beautiful young lady that I'm very proud of this past year and I know I have treasured the one trip she has already taken down to visit me (surprise arranged between she and Stacy) and am looking forward to another hopefully before the year is out.

I'm learning happy, content, peace.  I have a mate that is very honest with me that can talk frankly, watch me cry, and listen as my mind changes.  Still hard to admit how much I screw up but I can do it and realize I do it and that I am wrong.  He is the first man I've been able to be so vulnerable with.  He loves me in spite and because of my flaws.  We have a common goal, common pasts, and a desire to be positive, open to ideas, and live a healthy, upward lifestyle.

Not a bad spot to be at here at the end of 2013, looking 13 days forward to my one year anniversary of meeting Stacy face-to-face.  

And now the future looms.  I've moved into this almost 100 year old house that Stacy has owned for over 20 years and we are making it ours.  New configuration for Stacy to live in (yes walls in different places etc) so it's new and ours and isn't holding past memories (I'm trusting him when he says this).  

I'm in my element painting, configuring, fixing up.  We went and bought our first big purchase together the other day....a king sized bed.  Wednesday is delivery day and at this moment I've gotten a message from Stacy saying he's going to wash the sheets we've purchased for the bed so they are ready.  

Now that we've made it happily through this whirlwind of three months....or almost have, I'm starting to look to the future.  Not dwell and miss the now, but as in resolutions, which go through my head on a daily basis anyway.  To really ensconse myself in these things that are so calming and good for me....mindfulness, meditation, gratitude.  Living a life that is extremely healthy in all ways - emotionally, nutritionally and physically.  

We have joined Golds Gym to work our bodies, keeping them so that we can live the best quality of life as long as we can and enjoy each other.  Nutritionally , we need to go organic more and more for many reasons, mainly that the reality of Stacy's cancer ordeal is a constant reminder of what pesticides and non-organic can do.  So.....composting, gardening, growing as much of our own as we can...including egg laying chickens.  I also want to plant fruit trees.

Pursing classes in yoga, finding people that practice mindfulness and other zen traits.  Reading about it.  Living it with each other.  

The future looks sunny and delightful.  I have my partner by my side with similar goals and together we will pursue them, supporting each other along the way and I'm sure him dragging me along to keep up with him often.  Peace is in my soul.  

I love you my dear family and friends, people are all that matter, not things.  Accepting that takes you a long way.  Help me remember this and stay positive.

My Boys....two of them at least.....

I think these two have bonded.  Trey, my greyhound, has been with me for 7.5 years.  He's always loved men better than me or the girls but he's an awesome dog period.  Tonight, I was cooking dinner, Stacy fell asleep on the couch and Trey slipped up with him.  I happened to look over and a huge smile lit my face seeing this great site.  Trey has found his man.

When Stacy woke I asked if he knew Trey had been up with him snuggling for a long time.  Not a clue, thank goodness I took the picture.  Total cuteness.

To keep for posterity

Make your own photo slideshow at Animoto.

Yes, this is from a few years ago at Christmas, but I'm finding that my blog is a repository of things I want to keep.  A scrapbook since I no longer make the physical type.  And this is something I don't want to lose.  Need to do more of this though....

I love my big brother

Funny lately (yea the haha kind but also the *odd* kind too), I've spoken with both my brothers and, just as I'm in the midst of realizing that what I've been pursuing for about 20 years has it's own word...MINDFULNESS....I find that my brothers have dabbled around in this area somewhat.  Both have searched, questioned, read about.

Steve is seven years older than me and had a life changing stroke recently.  THANKFULLY it was a life changing stroke.  Some people go through something like that and bounce back and keep going, invincible as they think they are, not making changes.

I can only hope most people take the chance they've been given and appreciate things.  Change.  Search.  Realize that NOW is all that matters.  Don't beat yourself up over past behaviors or regrets, over not walking or eating too much.  Seriously, what good does that do right this moment?  DO SOMETHING NOW.  NOW. Change.  Don't worry about if you can maintain the change.  Worry about tomorrow or a week/month from now?  Why?  Doesn't help.  Learn, implement NOW.  Make the changes now...appreciate each movement, each little thing you can do, each little kindness extended.  Don't put off calling or talking to someone, or that I LOVE YOU.  Never.  NOW is the only time there is, the only time you have, that you are guaranteed.  Watch the butterflies, feel the wind across your skin and the sound of planes in the sky, traffic roaring past, ripples of water.

Look for the good, go forward with a positive attitude.  Dwelling on the negative is simply the ego.  So what?  Is it really that terribly poor me bad?  REALLY????  No.  Ask someone who just had a stroke.  Ask about the moment of the stroke, about realizing there is a fate worse than death (as my brother kindly learned and pointed out.)  Hearing that?  Completely cemented my resolve to live mindfully.

Absolutely, positively HATE HATE HATE that my brother had a stroke.  Can't change a thing about that though, can I?  But I can tell you that since then, I have been in contact much more often.  MUCH.  Years don't pass any more without communication and not just the printed/typed word.  Voice.  The I love you's.  Endearments.  Appreciate what you have, it can be so much worse.  Enjoy to the fullest.  Release negative thoughts, feelings and resentments.  There is ALWAYS a bright side or point, somewhere.  Look for it and learn from the situation. Be that glass half full person.

So....I'm seeing this guy that has me totally smitten right?  HUGE plus factor is that he's into this whole mindfulness thing even though I don't think he knew the word either.  It's the tai chi, chakra, Feng Shui studies, look for the positive, ditch that negative pissy attitude that I love.  He's consciously made an effort and like he says, some days it's a lot of work.

Personally, I think it's constant growth and learning and change.  There is so much information out there, my desire to learn about different cultures, practices, ways of doing things, concepts.....has grown tremendously.  There is no way I can keep this clear headed, pure "ish" path going without people to cling to and help along the way.  I've got that in Stacy.  Just talking about things we read in magazines, no judgement, being open to ideas and knowing we are looking toward a positive and NOW goal.  HUGE help.  Now.....I find that two in my family also have been searching and reading?  Omigosh!  I've got a family of crazies like me!  How cool is life?  We can all sit around drinking our tea, sniffing our incense and singing oohhhmmmsss to the sky.  OK so yea that was smart assy....but c'mon.  My FAMILY as well as the man I'm nuts about?  What could be better?

I've got people to bounce things off, learn with, share resources with.  I get way sidetracked (you KNOW what I'm talking about) surfing around the interwebs....do I remember all the cool sites and things I want to explore?  Nada.  Now....I have partners in the crime of NOW.....of peacefulness.  Betcha that I've had them all along, we all just didn't really know what we're searching for but I'm guessing it's peace and happiness and contentment or close to that.  Now, to find that kumbaya circle.....

By the way....I love my big brother....

.....from the blog of Dr. Ian Ellis-Jones, an awesome leader in mindfulness

Technology....random thoughts

I ADORE, A.D.O.R.E., scream it from the mountains adore.....technology.  Yet, I can hate it with a passion that makes someone talking to me about it at the time cringe. 

But.....learning and education at our fingertips constantly?  Ability to share with my family, all four siblings at once via a medium called FaceBook?  Pinterest....perfect way for this visual creature to sort and find things....Google Reader to keep track of blogs I like to read.  What can I say?  BRING IT ON!  Way too easy to get distracted, side tracked, lost in another line of thought than what brought me in but oh well.....love the roads traveled to get to where I'm going.

This is a picture of my desk this morning.  Yes, my mug of 641.3373 (that is coffee for you non-bibliophiles), my bowl with my apple core and packet of organic plain grain cereal, stacks of items for cataloging from scratch (shivers at the thought) and my library link and my link of pure selfish interest.....clean eating.  Need to stay mega healthy now that I've lost all the weight.

OK, my personal favorite thing about technology?  Well, seems to be panning out to be my favorite although I went through a love/hate with it for a while....online dating.  Only reason it's in the favorable column at this time is yes, there is someone special and yes, we've made a decision to pursue a LTR.  That's Long Term Relationship for those of you not into text-speak.  If you had talked to me on a day when things weren't going so well, yea, hate online dating.  But at this age in my life, where am I going to meet men?  Men who aren't looking for a "newer model"?  

Lucked out.  Meet John Stacy Underwood.  Good man.

Capturing Becca

Love this photo....though not totally in focus, love that it captures Becca in what she truly loves.  This was at Pine Hill with her stable friends.  Cultivating those relationships, many with older women, is wonderful for Becca.  Tonite she baby sits for one of the lady's FIVE children.

Vacation....all I ever dreamed of

Sitting in the San Jose Airport, through security and only set off the beepers cause of the new necklace I'm sporting, courtesy of my niece Lisa.  Actually have free WiFi, unlike Austin where all I could find was Tmobile for 7.99 for a day pass.  Can't wait to get home.  Reading through Becca and Melissa's facebook pages and sitting here crying.  I miss them.

Vacation was great....at times absolutely awesome, beyond my dreams.  But it got long.  I need to learn to schedule less time and leave while things are at a peak.  Probably the best part of a vacation, for me anyway, is that it really instills in me a love of my home, where ever that may be.  My little place, fixed up so that anyone that knows me knows this is mine.  My comforts, my loves.  And yes, my daughters' messy messy rooms.  I long to open Becca's door and see her clothes all over the floor....sounds silly maybe but it's comforting.

Highlights of this vacation?  Monday, hands down.  Christmas Eve.  I love you all.

So emotional.....

My sister Sally is left and two of her kids, Lisa and Trevor.  I'm going to hop a plane in two days and head out to see them.  Just thinking about it starts me crying.  I'm such an emotional wreck any more.  People are all that matter and to see her kids all grown up is so amazingly exciting.  I'm looking forward to meeting the people they've become.  It's been way too long, but I'm not going to let that happen again.  More frequent travel is in my future.

Blast from the past.

The girls and I visited my dad's grave in Mount Vernon Cemetary in Citrus Heights, CA back in .... hmmmm I'm guessing 1999....Melissa (middle) would be three and Becca on right would be five.  My beloved (cough) brother, Steve has been digging through pictures and scanning.  I'm going to join him, feeding him the old pics I have of family, if he organizes and shares with us.  This is just the start.

Schultz Girls....

Today was Becca's 16th birthday, and in keeping with tradition we went to Tokyo Steakhouse to celebrate.  Our waitress took a picture of us.  Nice day, no uglies, everyone was civil.  Glad we got a pic of it.