My tranquil oasis

Love traveling, but it's always wonderful to come back to my home.  My backyard is my oasis, specifically  when I'm in my hammock, dogs on the ground under it or standing by it nudging me.  Having said that....when I'm at Stacy's I don't feel like I'm traveling and out of sorts, I'm with my favorite person.  It's the other times that coming home is so cleansing and I can't wait to get to my hammock.  Even when it's cool out, I'll head to my spot with a quilt, pillow, and a book.  It's pretty much guaranteed I'm going to nod off....I always feel so safe and peaceful.

....by the way, check the Vagabond tab, I keep my travels there and recently I was in Fort Worth.

Floundering

Boy is that quote me.  My constant frustration is that I'm alone and no one cares enough.  What is right up there.  Self torture I suppose.  All I've ever wanted is to be a priority to someone and I hope I have that some day.

Tired of life being in limbo.  I need to do something.  Need out of my dead end job.  Need health benefits.  Need benefits period.  Need to move to different area and get Melissa in a better situation, away from past and near a bus line so she can get a job and get to and from to earn money for a car.

What the heck do I do?  Not a clue.  Nada.  Have someone in my life but not a clue where I stand.  Do I just say the hell with it and make changes in my life and move to wherever the jobs are regardless if they are near or far?  I have no direction, no clue.  Am I a friend with benefits?  I think it's beyond that but .....

Feeling very old and like my life has no direction.  It needs change fast.  Too much time alone, too much time with no adult conversation and this is the result.  I think too much.  However I'm not a kid with the world ahead of me.  Tired of plodding along.  What do i do?

Edited in morning. Too much time alone does bad things to me. I get away from the center and don't live now. Yea I want direction and more than anything I want my dreams and the fairy tale to come true. Time is what is needed. I get so discontent cause no one special to assure me they love me or to hide in when I need that. Perhaps someday. I will survive. No choice.

Another to save....LOOKING FOR ALASKA

Yes, another video/slideshow I did.  Again, to keep for the future.  I started doing these for this particular project when I was working on my Masters in Library Science.  Project was to create book trailers, so I used the wonderful book LOOKING FOR ALASKA by John Green and created this.

Funny thing is, I used Melissa as my model when I needed to.  She hadn't read the book though I encouraged her to often.  Probably 2 years after this video was made, she kept hearing about the book, kids raving about it and FINALLY read it and loved it.  Led her to read other books by John Green.  He writes for young adults and is one of the best out there in my opinion, though his covers are extremely lacking in visual appeal.  And YES.....people do judge books by the covers unfortunately.

To keep for posterity

Make your own photo slideshow at Animoto.

Yes, this is from a few years ago at Christmas, but I'm finding that my blog is a repository of things I want to keep.  A scrapbook since I no longer make the physical type.  And this is something I don't want to lose.  Need to do more of this though....

raw

i'm not good at restraint,

at editing myself, my feelings.

but i do

out of fear.

release is what i seek.

to be vulnerable, 

able to be ME, unashamed,

exposed.  pure ME

with you.

until then, bands constrict the chambers

of my heart

waiting to be set free.

all it takes is your word.

4.22.12 sjh

Define ..... irenic

Cool word I ran across today on the Believe. FB page.  Love collecting words, now just need to use it in a sentence without sounding like I'm trying too.....

But regardless, peace, contentment, joy, happiness.  Good things.  Trying to stay away from the negativity and the downers.  Yea it happens, but I'm doing my best to look to the good of all things cause it's too easy for me to fall into depression and being alone I take to my bed.  Not going there.  Peace.

Fiesta!

Took my daughter with me on a whirlwind 24 hour trip to San Antonio to get a "Stacy-fix".  We ended up parking, walking and exploring.  It happened to be the first weekend of FIESTA and we strolled along the Riverwalk  to get to Market Square.   You've got to read the Fiesta website to get an idea what this is, but even then, I think it eludes you.  Probably takes living her and experiencing it a bit to understand.

Anyway as I understand it's hispanic culture, a bit tongue in cheek humor, fun.  Think Mardi Gras hispanic style.  Bright colors everywhere, party city!  There are events for 10 days and MANY all over town.  Parades (plural), music galore.....I've only hit the tip of the iceberg.  Fiesta de los Reyes is what we experienced at Market Square.  CROWDS.  And with Stacy's shoulder/collarbone situation that made me nervous. 

10 days of wild celebration.  I missed the river parade but apparently it was televised so I'll be looking for it on the interwebz.  So much to see and do in San Antonio.....much more to come.