....life change

This is MY time.  I'm choosing to put myself first, to be selfish, that it is all about ME.  I've always put everyone else first, at the risk of hurting myself, my feelings and my health.  I've done my time, my good deeds, served on committees, raised children.  Now I will be first and I hope it's not too late.

I will say no if I don't feel something is best for me.  No explanation necessary.  I will eat healthier, consume more water, sleep more.  I will work my body, whether it be walking or weights or stretching.  I long to do tai chi chih with my husband.  I will meditate and learn to live NOW.  

I will pursue mindfulness and simplicity.  I will only have things in my life that spark joy.  I will NOT tolerate toxic people in my life.  I have choices and will exercise them to the betterment of myself.  

I choose content, NOW, peace, appreciation.  I have started by choosing a husband that is headed this way, that is open to new ideas, that feels the energy of the world.  My chore now is to let go of restraints and join him in our journey.  

Thank you, Stacy, for entering my life and introducing me to the beauty of 20 minutes of sunshine and meditation daily.  

It's a beautiful day

Becca, Stacy and I each got up early in our different cities to witness the "supermoon" but the clouds prevented seeing it. Becca checked in via text (thanks for telling us abt this!). Seconds after my alarm went off at 630 Stacy called and we took our phones outside to scan the sky. A few too many clouds but a phenomenal morning. Stacy wandered down to the old fort Sam Houston gate, cell phone and coffee filling his hands, getting a morning stroll in. 

I ended up pruning roses and filling vases, watering tomatoes, picking up doggy-doo in the backyard. Now it's hammock time. Got fresh coffee, my book and my bestest buddy at my feet. Beautiful start to an amazing day. Only way it would be better is if I was in San Antonio in my hammock...

Summer Solstice

Summer Solstice....The solstice heralds the beginning of summer in the Northern Hemisphere. In 2013, the solstice falls on Friday, June 21.

Summer solstice brings to my mind....tree huggers, nature, rituals dancing around a tree, kumbaya....stuff along that line.  LOVE it honestly.  Birkenstock and free flowing dress wearing, long haired, dreadlocked, carefree people.  Expressing joy in the way preferred, no concern or judgement.  Peace, simplicity.  

I want those things.  Maybe I'm taking myself backwards, but I suppose age has to do with it?  As I get older, I just want what I want, the simple things.  Don't care what people think.  Give me the good stuff in life and the people that enjoy it with me.  

Peace inside

So, Stacy and I met and have had a road to travel due to some complications from a motorcycle accident he was in.  Just seems that at seven months later, everything is coming to a head.  Been rough the last few weeks, seems like something new each week.  Stacy is amazing, I'm the one that gets really down and frustrated.  Maybe he just puts on a good face in front of me.  Trying to stay positive but sometimes not so much.

Today I have a deep peace.  I'm content.  Yet I just found out that he's now in the hospital.  I will trust that these doctors will get to the bottom of this.  I will trust that this entire accident will resolve and things will come out favorably for him.  

How much the accident played into our meeting I have no clue, but somehow we were both at the right place and point in our lives an I'm choosing to believe all will resolve before too long and a beautiful life awaits us.  Never thought I could have someone in the hospital and be totally at peace.  Think I'm finding something in this dharma of the Buddha......

Thank you.....

I have not studied or read on Reiki yet, but just stumbling across this picture, I will.  I need this every morning.  It is so easy to fall into worry or be pulled into frustration or upset.  Sometimes I'm too close to the situation to see it clearly. I'm sure I do make excuses, specially inside my head.  I'm so thankful for people who will be honest and talk and still love.  Need more of that in my life.  I think it's time to pay a visit to Google and Half Price Books for research into Reiki.  

s.....thank you for still loving me....s

Define ..... irenic

Cool word I ran across today on the Believe. FB page.  Love collecting words, now just need to use it in a sentence without sounding like I'm trying too.....

But regardless, peace, contentment, joy, happiness.  Good things.  Trying to stay away from the negativity and the downers.  Yea it happens, but I'm doing my best to look to the good of all things cause it's too easy for me to fall into depression and being alone I take to my bed.  Not going there.  Peace.

Kindred Souls.....where are you????

I've had an ache to have some deep, heart to heart talks, real talks, where the people involved listen and respond and react.  Emotions are involved.  I don't want the glossy fluff, no drama, just real, good, heartfelt conversation.  It can be so hard to find as people are tied up in drama or afraid to really talk and want to be sure and say what you want to hear.....rather what THEY think you want to hear.  What I want to hear is honesty and your heart.

Today I had a wonderful talk with an incredibly beautiful woman, someone I've known for years and always admired.  She's always made me feel very comfortable talking to her and we often seem to be on similar paths our journeys in our lives.  Today we chatted about spirituality and being in the NOW.  Exploring options out there....what is the truth?  What is OUR truth?  We both seem to be of the mind that we need to live in the NOW, not past not future....those are nothing but thoughts.  NOW is all there is.  We talked about wicca, new age things, books, meditation.....being open to ideas, thoughts.

Here's my flat out belief, hurt some of you though it may.  Brief background is I never went to church as a child, not really.  Very here and there, but I didn't know any bible stories or songs.  Started going to church when I had kids thinking we needed to do that.  I became a believer and followed.  It was nice to know "this is what WE think and believe."  Fast forward and lots happened, specific things made me challenge my faith and yes I know it is man and organized religion that failed me.  BUT....that was the impetus to the challenge and searching.  I can now safely say that I'm agnostic.  Urban dictionary says an agnostic is: Someone who doesn't feel that there is enough evidence to prove or disprove god.  

I'm spiritual, not religious.  Read through my resources and my books pages and you will find where my thinking is.  I have found a man that believes along these lines as well and, like me, is searching and discovering.  Today, in talking to Kim, she is doing the same, I discover.  Kindred souls, they are out there.  Sometimes it isn't so popular to admit our beliefs and we shared those thoughts today.  How christian friends will listen (kind of) and think...."oh I'm still praying for you, God hasn't given up on you, you know the truth" and yet....that is YOUR truth, perhaps.  Not mine.  Probably one thing that hurts/stings is the constant need for a christian to impress that they know the truth and as a wandering soul, I am the one that is lost.  Perhaps not.  How bout the possibility that you believe in something that doesn't exist and in living in the NOW I am closer to the truth?  Is it really the be all and end all of existence for christians to be right all the time?  I guess that's where the rub comes in.  Listen to me, humor me, and all done condescendingly.  NO.  Not acceptable.  Accept me for who I am, period, not as a lost soul or sinner.  

YEARS ago (I don't even want to think how many), I read an article or book that spoke of friendships and relationships and sometimes, they have just run their course and it's time to let them go and move on. OUCH!  But yes....when that relationship is no longer beneficial and simply hurts or causes anguish?  Time to move on.  I guess it's sort of an agree to disagree thing.  Sad, since there are so few genuine, deep relationships.  But necessary I truly believe.  

Love me, be my friend, accept me for who I am.  Don't be afraid to talk and be honest.  Bare your heart and soul.  Forgive and cut some slack when I am an idiot.  

I will do the same for you.  And love you more than you thought a friend could love you as well.  People are all that matter, after all......

Tatata

Keep It Simple Stupid.  I've always subscribed to that.  About 20 years ago I started consciously reading about simplicity and sustainability.  I've always had this urge in me, keep things simple, back to the basics, it's not rocket science....life just doesn't have to be crazy wild and complicated.  Talk.  Be honest.  Communicate.  Listen.  Forgive.  Love.  Simple to me. 

But....I've lived the complicated life regardless, trying annually to renew my resolutions aiming toward simplicity and genuineness.  I think I'm getting there.  I feel like I've found the pivotal point. 

Well.....first, I did find someone that shares a lot of these ideas and thoughts and beliefs withe me and encourages the positive thinking and has made me think of things in a new way....be more open.  Big help and doesn't hurt that I'm falling for him either.  Hard.  Makes me listen even more.

Things I am discovering mean a lot to me are along the line of zen, Buddah, Eastern wisdom and medicine.  Natural healing.  Simplicity.  Sustainability.  Natural materials.  Food that "knows where it comes from."  I feel like I've found a gold mine to research.  Some of my favorite things or things I desire lately are:
...Kombucha, particularly Buddha's Brew Pineapple SuperGreens
...Daily time in the sun to think/meditate - this was a gift from the man mentioned above...his practice that really hit my core.
...Eckhardt Tolle's A NEW EARTH.  Also have THE POWER OF NOW that I'm aching to read.  About being in the NOW.  Letting go of the ego. 
...PEACE IS EVERY STEP by Thich Nhat Hanh - another phenomenal book.
...zenhabits.org.    Outstanding blog, I can't even do it justice praising it.  It captures just what I'm after and want in life.  Peace.  Simplicity.  Happiness.
...desires: to meditate, learn yoga, create a life/home of happiness.  Last night Stacy and I were talking and I mentioned that I've wanted to create a life with someone, build something together.  He put it simply, almost painfully simply and I ache for it too.  He said he wants to be part of a HAPPY TEAM.  To be on that path, on that team with him....my desire.

These are just a few of the things that describe the things that bring me peace, happiness.  I am learning to live in the NOW.  NOW.  Not the past, you can't change it.  Not the future, for if you daydream of the future, you are missing living NOW.  And you can only live now.  I'm getting it, Eckhardt Tolle is driving that home.

I want to do more research on meditation, Buddha, homeopathy, Chinese medicine.  I want to read the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu.  Lots of learning left in life.  Lots of happiness, lots of peace.

Buddha called it tatata - the suchness of life, being one with reality.  THAT is what I desire.  Working on it.

Time for yourself....

"Someone" introduced me to the concept of sitting in the sun for 30 minutes and basically meditating.  Can't say I've got my head wrapped around meditation but I like the idea.  And honestly I shouldn't say sun, just outdoors, even if a cloudy day....fresh air, exposed, free to let the mind wander or be still.

Today I sat outside....had been working hard so had on capri length yoga pants and a workout fitted tank.  Was a bit chilly so brought a quilt with me and sat in the sun....what a pick me up!  So great to have been working hard and take a break so basic, so simple.  Too bad we forget these things.  I want to live with purpose, not forget the simple things in life and to appreciate them.  Slow down.  That is counter to what society has ingrained into us lately.  The buzz word seems to be multitasking yet think about it. That is a tech definition but c'mon!  Execute on several distributed processors....well first off we have ONE brain, one person.

SIMULTANEOUSLY!  So, chat on the phone with your bff....unload the dishwasher and make a grocery list.  Is your bff getting the best of you?  Are you really listening?  Do you hear the tears or hesitation in her voice?  Slow down.  When was the last time you really lost yourself in a conversation.  A REAL conversation.  Deep.  Significant.  Put yourself there, drop the multitasking and be IN the moment.  Those are the things that count.  So what if you die and the dishwasher wasn't loaded?  Get that conversation in.  Make those memories.  Do what matters, really matters and do it with meaning and your entire being engaged.  Don't short change the people in your life.

So....yes. I sat in the sun.  Didn't even read today.  Often I do, but today, I enjoyed the slight breeze that made it a bit too cool to be without my quilt, and the warmth of the sun hitting my arms and legs.  The sounds of outside and the neighborhood, the sound of my daughter inside. My sweet Cowboy who had to wander up next to me on the little perch of a patio and stand on the edge just so he could be right next to me.  His soft fur and the way he pushed his nose into my face to plant a sloppy wet one on me.  If I was involved in other things at the same time, I'd have missed all the joy in that 30 minutes.  Simple....meditation, one step at a time.  Once a day to start.  Appreciating.

Sending a huge thank you to my special someone that brought that into my life.  One thing he said after the first time we sat in the sun together?  "I like that we don't have to talk and it's ok to be quiet."  Warmth spread in my heart.  It is, thank you for giving me that.

Simple Living

It means getting rid of many of the things you do so you can spend time with people you love and do the things you love. It means getting rid of the clutter so you are left with only that which gives you value.

Here I am again.....please go read zenhabits.net and explore the site.  This post is screaming at me right now....

Simple Living Manifesto: 72 Ideas to Simplify Your Life    By Leo Babauta