Are you content? With what you have? What life has dealt? I have been pondering this word for a while now. I'm determined to be content. I'm content in a number of things, but am still in shake em up mode in a lot of areas of my life. I have to admit, my relationship status was one that left me very unhappy, took me up and down constantly. I am not good alone. I'm worse with the wrong person. Searching for someone? Well, I don't NEED or have to have someone, it is simply the icing on the cake and I'm a much better me with the RIGHT someone. I found my icing. Waiting for him to make sure I'm his icing and then I'll cut loose and really hit him with my love. But I'm content with this part of my life finally. Sounds like not enough, doesn't it? Like it's boring or something....but it's not. I'm blissfully happy. I feel like I'm constantly in a state of "peaceful happiness" as it says above.
I used to watch relationships and when I identified those that seemed to have what I wanted, I really zeroed in. The one that stood for a long time as my measure? Stacee and Donnie Caseltine. Both incredibly happy and content. Exuberant. Wait, is exuberant beyond content? But still content, not wishing for change. Well....anyway, found me my icing, and I gotta say, it is very yummy....hehe.
Sharing from my favorite blog, zenhabits.net......
‘He who is contented is rich.’ ~Lao Tzu
There has been little in my life that has made as much an impact as
learning to be content — with my life, where I am, what I’m doing, what I
have, who I’m with, who I am.
This little trick changes everything.
Let’s take a look at my life before contentedness:
I was addicted to junk food and fast food, and overweight and
unhealthy. I bought too many things on impulse, owned too much clutter,
and was deeply in debt and struggling to make it to the next payday. I
was unhappy with who I was, wanted desperately to change, tried a
thousand different programs and books. I was always worried I was
missing out on exciting things, and wanted so much to be out doing the
fun things everyone else was doing. I was always changing the way I did
things, because it seemed everyone else had a better system or tools. I
strove to meet goals, because they would get me to a better life.
And as I learned to be content, here was what changed:
I learned to be happy with healthier food, with less food, and my
health improved and waistline shrunk. I relied on a good book, spending
time with people I loved, going for a nice run … and my debt began to be
reduced as I learned I didn’t need to spend money to enjoy myself. I
learned to be happier with who I was, and what I was doing, and so no
longer needed self-improvement books and programs, no longer needed to
try all kinds of new systems and tools. I became happy with myself, with
those around me, and with what I had — and so didn’t need to strive to
change everything. Letting go of goals helped me to simplify things so I
had less to worry about, less to do.
That’s just the start. There is no way to account for the tremendous
change that happens when you learn to accept who you are, when you tell
yourself
you are perfect
just as you are, when you love yourself and everything about yourself.
You stop criticizing yourself, you are happier, you are a better person
to be around, and you can now help others and work without the
insecurities you had before.
This is not a magical state, and doesn’t require any new tools or books. It’s simple, and I’ll share what has worked for me.
Learning to Be Content
If you are in a bad place in your life, and are unhappy with
everything about it (job, relationship, yourself, house, habits, etc.),
it can be a miserable thing. But here’s something interesting: it can
also be a happy thing.
I’ve been in situations where you might think things were bad, and
sometimes I was very unhappy, and other times I was happy. The
difference wasn’t in the external circumstances, but in my mindset — I
learned to appreciate what I had, instead of focusing on the things I
didn’t have or didn’t like. I was grateful for my health, for the people
in my life, for having food and being alive.
If you can learn to develop the right mindset, you can be happy now,
without changing anything else. You don’t need to wait until you’ve
changed everything and made your life perfect before you’re happy — you
have everything you need to be happy right now.
The mindset of waiting for happiness is a never-ending cycle. You get
a better job (yay!) and then immediately start thinking about what your
next promotion will be. You get a nicer house and immediately start
looking at how nice your neighbors’ houses are, or the faults in the
house you have. You try to change your spouse or kids, and if that works
(good luck), you’ll find other things about them that need to be
changed. It keeps going, until you die.
Instead, learn that you can be content now, without any external changes. Here’s how to start:
- Take a moment to be grateful for something. What in
your life is amazing? Even if everything seems to suck, there must be
one good thing. It might simply be that you have beauty somewhere
nearby, or that you are alive, or that your kids are healthy. Find
something, and give thanks for that.
- Catch yourself thinking, “This sucks.” It’s amazing
how often people think this thought. “This sucks!” “My co-worker is the
worst — he sucks!” “My wife doesn’t understand me — this suuucks!” It
might be in different words, but if you catch yourself thinking
something like that, pause. Reverse the thinking. Find a way to be
thankful for the situation. “My wife is a caring and sweet person —
maybe I should give her a hug.” “My co-worker might be annoying
sometimes, but he has a good heart, and maybe I should get to know him
better.” “My room might be messy but at least I have a roof over my
head.”
- Find the little things that can give you simple joys.
What do you need to be happy? I love simple things, like taking a walk,
spending time with a loved one, reading a book, eating some berries,
drinking tea. These cost very little, and require very little, and can
make me very happy. Find the simple things that give you similar
happiness, and focus on those rather than what you don’t have.
- Find the things about yourself that you’re happy with.
We tend to criticize ourselves easily, but what if we turned it around
and asked, “What do I do right? What am I good at? What is loveable
about me?” Make a list. Start to focus on these things rather than what
you’re unhappy with.
- Do the same with others in your life. Instead of
criticizing them, ask yourself, “What is good about this person? What do
I love about them?” Make a list, and focus on these things above all
else.
- Assume that you, others, and life are perfect. You
are great, and don’t need improvement. You aren’t a piece of clay that
must be shaped and molded into something better — you are already
perfect. Other people are also just as perfect, and don’t need
improvement. You just need to appreciate them for who they are. The
moment we are living in is not a stepping stone to something better — it
is exactly wonderful, and we have already arrived at the perfect
moment.
The Contented Life
It might be useful to look at what life would be like if you learned to be content:
- Self image. We compare ourselves
with the images in our head of perfection — movie stars, models in
magazines, other people who seem to have it all together — and we can
never measure up to those perfect images. But those images are not real.
They are an imagined ideal. Even the beautiful people have bad hair
days and feel flabby, and if you take away their photoshopped and
heavily-made-up façade, you see that they are every bit as human as you
are. Even the people who seem successful, living exciting lives — they
have the same self-doubts you have. So if they don’t live up to this
ideal image, why should you? And even if they did (which they don’t),
why would you need to? When we let go of this image of perfection, we
realize that we are already exactly who we should be. And then, all our
need for self-improvement, and all the activity and effort and pain that
implies, fades away. We are happy with ourselves, and nothing else is
needed.
- Relationships. If you are content with yourself,
you are more likely to be a good friend, partner, parent. You are more
likely to be happy and friendly and loving, more likely to be as
accepting of others as you are of yourself. Relationships improve,
especially when others learn to be content with themselves, from your
example.
- Health. Much of our culture’s unhealthiness comes
from unhappiness — eating junk food to give ourselves comfort and
relieve stress, not exercising because we think we can’t (because we
have a bad self-image), being glued online because we think we might
miss something if we turn off the computer or iPhone. When you realize
that you aren’t missing anything, and you don’t need junk food to be
happy, and you are good enough to exercise, you can slowly return to
health.
- Possessions. The overload of possessions in our
lives comes from unhappiness — we buy things because we think they’ll
give us comfort, coolness, happiness, security, an exciting life. When
we become content with ourselves and our lives, we realize none of that
is necessary, and we can start getting rid of these extraneous crutches.
- Busy-ness. Much of our busy-ness comes from fear
that we should be doing more, that we might be missing out, that we
aren’t enough already. But we are enough, and we don’t need more, and we
aren’t missing out. So we can
let go of a lot of unnecessary activity, and just focus on doing what we
love, and give ourselves the space to enjoy a contented life.
This is all just a few scratches on the surface of a contented life,
but it gives you a picture of what might be. And the truth is, once you
learn the simple trick of contentedness, it’s really a picture of what
already is. You just need to let go of the fears, and see what is
already here.
‘Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things
are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs
to you.’ ~Lao Tzu
