Maui on my Mind

This song Maui On My Mind, has been running through my head since I arrived on Maui a few days ago.  I lived in Hawaii from age 11 through 18, graduating high school from Kalaheo High on the windward side of Oahu.  These years growing up were so unlike any of my other friends that I currently have, and kind of were buried.  My husband once asked me what music I listened to in high school since it didn't seem I had listened to anything he had (Pink Floyd for example).  At the time he asked, I couldn't answer because I just didn't know for some reason.

Now that I'm in Maui and back in the islands, things are coming back that I had buried.  I have no idea why they were buried except that when I went to college, the second time I said I was from Hawaii, one of my sorority sisters gave me a really hard time and told me no I wasn't because my mom lived in Lincoln (she had moved to same city I went to school in - Lincoln, Nebraska - shortly after I had moved for school).  I was told I was a Lincoln Girl and I was lying when I said I was from Hawaii.  It didn't seem to matter that I had spent the last seven years of my life in Hawaii and that my dad and brother lived there still.  I was pressured into never mentioning it.  That was the start of my hate of college.  And unfortunately I will never forget who it was that said all that and made me feel like this.  Not only the words, but she went through my greek yearbook and crossed out Hawaii by my name.  I'm sorry, but at this point in my life, I'm going to say "what a bitch".  I'm sure she's not, now, but it's a great lesson on words and how they affect others.  

So.....I never mentioned or thought about where I came from that often.  And that makes me incredibly sad that I was influenced so much and let her do that to me.  

As we've been on Maui, memories from over 37 years ago are flooding back and the tears are at the surface.  I tear up often for seemingly no reason.  I so want to just quit my life as it is and stay here.  The beauty that had surrounded me for years is still here and the laid back attitude is so far from what I live on a day to day basis.  I want peace.  I want happy.  I want tranquility and beauty.  Daily.  And to appreciate and remember them always.  

Arriving on Maui and driving....so different from San Antonio.  In SA everyone is so aggressive (me included) and out to be faster, not let people in.  Here...dang, I made a mistake, slow down, try to figure out if I'm to turn left.....the person coming at me is driving maybe 20, slows and stops.....waiting for me to turn if that's what I need to do.  People anticipate, drive slow, give the right of way to others constantly.  Kindness.  So nice. Made me feel so happy that there is a land where people are genuinely kind.  And no, I wasn't in tourist area at the time.  We had taken a detour to Wailea to a very local area to stop by a shop we wanted to hit before going to the resort.  Believe me, I know that the locals realize where the money comes from and who to be nice to.  That is tourism.  

Any time I've taken a vacation before, I've had a hard time letting life go and relaxing immediately. NOT SO this time.  I'm not sure how I'm going to handle going back to work.  I think we are going to have to start talking about lifestyle and where we truly want to live.  What our sacrifices are going to be. Timeline.  Life is too short to live the way I have been.  I need to truly feel and enjoy.  Let the people and crap go that aren't truly beneficial.  Live a life I love.  Come along for the ride if you are willing to do same.....leave the crap behind....drama, game playing, fakeness.  I can't do this anymore.  I need the peace and beauty back in my life that I once had and was too young to appreciate.  It's not too late.

What did I listen to in high school?  Kalpana, Cecelio & Kapono, The Beamers, Olomana.  Bob Scaggs, Loggins & Messina, Elton John.  A lot of local influence.  I missed a lot of what the mainland kids grew up on, but I had incredible local talent in my ears as well that the mainland didn't have like we did.

Keep on going....

Sometimes it's hard to keep going. I'm not sure there are any good reasons to honestly. I'm trying but oh so tired of it. 

....familiar

I'm desperately missing the familiar tonight.  I had always looked forward to the day I would be in a home I'd been in for years, having raised my children there.  It would be their childhood home, the one they'd come back to and bring their children to.  I didn't grow up with that and it was the one thing I wanted in life.  

Life can be cruel.  I was blindsided by divorce, never saw it coming.  I built a brick wall around me and lost myself for a year or possibly more online. Online friends, games.  Things to take my  mind off the fact that everything I ever knew or dreamed of was gone forever.  My life had changed dramatically yet again.

Fine.  I went on with life and found a wonderful and kind man.  Remarried.  My kids grew up, although difficultly.  I've changed, outlook and many of my interests.  However, I have a deep need  to be grounded.  I love trips and adventures but I always need to get home to be grounded and comfortable.  Too long away is hard on me.

I've been in Texas for over 13 years now.  My sister Sally came to visit me about 10 years ago.  My niece Lisa came to visit about 5 years ago.  My high school friend Sharon came to visit 8 years ago or so  That is it.  No one else has come to visit me.  13 years.  Pity party on my part, I know.  My life for the last 13 years has had only the familiar of my children.  Yet...they've grown up and gone off.  Not cool to hang out with mom and there's often irritation at me.  

The familiar is missing and it hurts.  This is a nice life, but not what i had imagined or dreamt of.  Sometimes I just need the familiar.  The smells, memories, shared laughter.  People.  My people are not around me and i don't see a time they will be.  They've not been to visit and that hurts.  I love my husband and my life.  I only wish that I wasn't so isolated and that my people might come visit some day.  But I don't hold any hope.  What makes it so much harder is that my husband has all his people near.  I'm the one that had to fit in. No one knows my people and my life and my past.  What I love.  What is cozy and familiar to me.  No shared memories from years ago.  

Sometimes life is so lonely and isolated even in a home with a man I love and in a metropolitan city.  Familiar.  I wish. 

Positivity

I've been called a PollyAnna when I go for the positive.  Dated myself, didn't I, with that PollyAnna reference.  Go ahead and refer to me that way.  But the above is truth.

It's all about choice.  You can choose to gripe about the rain and mud puddles, or you can be thrilled with the wonderful clean, moist scent of the earth and the fact that the garden is getting watered and it's not cutting into your water bill!  Why choose the dark and gloomy route?  I do understand that some people are prone to negativity.  You CAN make a choice about your attitude and outlook.

It's the simple things in life that mean the most, people and memories.  We tend to make things too complicated and place money and material objects in the seat of importance.  Wrong.  Simple.  The warm, snuggly baby on your lap that just melts into you and is full of love.  The knowledge that someone is on your side unconditionally.  The daily waking up.  The scent of the damp earth in the rain.

Life is simple and precious, look for the good and appreciate it.

Yes....this is a semi pep talk for those times I get frustrated with people and down.  We all need to rise above it.

Positivity

I've been called a PollyAnna when I go for the positive.  Dated myself, didn't I, with that PollyAnna reference.  Go ahead and refer to me that way.  But the above is truth.

It's all about choice.  You can choose to gripe about the rain and mud puddles, or you can be thrilled with the wonderful clean, moist scent of the earth and the fact that the garden is getting watered and it's not cutting into your water bill!  Why choose the dark and gloomy route?  I do understand that some people are prone to negativity.  You CAN make a choice about your attitude and outlook.

It's the simple things in life that mean the most, people and memories.  We tend to make things too complicated and place money and material objects in the seat of importance.  Wrong.  Simple.  The warm, snuggly baby on your lap that just melts into you and is full of love.  The knowledge that someone is on your side unconditionally.  The daily waking up.  The scent of the damp earth in the rain.

Life is simple and precious, look for the good and appreciate it.

Yes....this is a semi pep talk for those times I get frustrated with people and down.  We all need to rise above it.

...next!

Sad, isn't it? Hard to swallow but we are so much healthier and happy if we do this. 

LuLaRoe

Why I chose LuLaRoe

The itch to see what this company is all about came after I searched for fun leggings to wear for work. I fell in love with the products immediately and of course I wanted to know how I could be surrounded by them all the time. 

I know I haven't started my journey with LuLaRoe in earnest yet, so how could I possibly be someone that can rightfully tell anyone why this journey is one worth considering?  Simply because I'm in the midst of that journey. I'm still asking questions even though I've committed. I wake almost daily wondering if I can change my mind. I wonder if I'm insane adding this business to my plate when I already have a professional job I love that keeps me working about 50 hours a week. I only married my incredible husband a year ago with dreams to travel and explore together on weekends. 

Know what?  Every single day I put all those concerns to bed. What I have personally seen in regard to financial freedom with this company makes my heart sing. The potential is huge. Right now, this is the ground floor.  There is a whole world out there wanting what we've got, they are coming to us!  That's not something you can say with many businesses. I want to be a part of what's happening. Besides, who wouldn't want to have your very own fashion boutique in your home?  Here's to the end of "I have nothing to wear!"

Back to those concerns....sure I can change my mind at any point along the way. The worst that can happen?  I sell my inventory off and make back at LEAST my initial investment. 

The time thing?  Yes, that is definitely my biggest concern with already working full time. However, I'm organized and detailed so that should be a positive in the time crunch (I'm a librarian by profession and have been a department director since I was 27 years old, both because of that organizing and detail stuff).  In the long run, the time crunch will be worth it. Putting the time in will allow me to succeed sooner and get my husband and I on cruises and vacations, more plentiful and varied than we imagined. Life is for living, after all. 

Being pressed for time now means benefits later. I deal with a congenital birth defect called skew foot. It took over 50 years for a doctor to X-ray my problem feet, diagnose, and tell me what my foot pain was all about. I now see a future where my job doesn't mean I'm walking miles each day (no, librarians do not have sedentary jobs contrary to popular belief). I can see my future where the miles I put on are by choice, for fun, and I can work my schedule to my benefit. 

Which takes me back to having time to travel and explore the world, and not just Texas, with my husband. When we want. 

Yes, the initial investment for your inventory is high compared to other home businesses, perhaps, but a zero percent credit card can cover it and I've repeatedly seen people pay that off in the first 3-6 months. So I keep coming back to the no brainier that LuLaRoe is the way to go, and the time is NOW!  

Join me on this journey?

....lessons learned

Unfortunate that we have to experience this to learn it. Sometimes more than once. 

....keep at it

Texting with my oldest the other day and randomly comes the comment, "you stopped blogging". I never knew she read anything I blogged. Not that it matters. Blogging is mainly a way to clear my head, talk to myself, or save a memory.  But ya know...it's kind of nice knowing she chooses to read something I wrote. 

So I will go back to my random musings and journal what's going on or some amazingly profound thought.  

But for now, let me simply say, life is good. Choose happy.