Monday, March 25, 2013

joy


joy, PURE joy
elusive ... why
why so hard to let go and experience
why restrain
WHY?
don't we want joy?
PURE joy?
... or is it too much ...
concentrated, intense
painful
ironic - joy is painful
TRUTH?
more than we care to admit
we go through life diluted
restrained
... sad ...
experience - feel - it all
PURE joy, elusive
NO MORE, MINE.  TAKE THE RISK!
J.O.Y.

3.24.2013 sjh

Thursday, March 21, 2013

Experience it all.....


Kim said something to me in our conversation the other day that has had me thinking.  We were talking about emotion and how people hold back in relationships sometimes, to lessen the hurt if it doesn't work.  Well she related a story where a man was like this his whole marriage, always held back because he wanted to lessen the hurt if something happened.  Guess what?  Something did happen, his wife died and it DID NOT lessen the hurt.  It was as intense as if he had lived with abundant joy, love and despair, as if he had let himself feel it all. 

Think about it.  I know I do it....hold back, wait.  WHY?????  I've decided not to be afraid of emotion, I want to experience it, all of it.  We never know when our last day will be or the last day of our loved one.  Make the most of every moment, live it and feel it.  No longer afraid of experiencing emotion.  I'm going for the gusto.

Tuesday, March 19, 2013

Kindred Souls.....where are you????

I've had an ache to have some deep, heart to heart talks, real talks, where the people involved listen and respond and react.  Emotions are involved.  I don't want the glossy fluff, no drama, just real, good, heartfelt conversation.  It can be so hard to find as people are tied up in drama or afraid to really talk and want to be sure and say what you want to hear.....rather what THEY think you want to hear.  What I want to hear is honesty and your heart.

Today I had a wonderful talk with an incredibly beautiful woman, someone I've known for years and always admired.  She's always made me feel very comfortable talking to her and we often seem to be on similar paths our journeys in our lives.  Today we chatted about spirituality and being in the NOW.  Exploring options out there....what is the truth?  What is OUR truth?  We both seem to be of the mind that we need to live in the NOW, not past not future....those are nothing but thoughts.  NOW is all there is.  We talked about wicca, new age things, books, meditation.....being open to ideas, thoughts.

Here's my flat out belief, hurt some of you though it may.  Brief background is I never went to church as a child, not really.  Very here and there, but I didn't know any bible stories or songs.  Started going to church when I had kids thinking we needed to do that.  I became a believer and followed.  It was nice to know "this is what WE think and believe."  Fast forward and lots happened, specific things made me challenge my faith and yes I know it is man and organized religion that failed me.  BUT....that was the impetus to the challenge and searching.  I can now safely say that I'm agnostic.  Urban dictionary says an agnostic is: Someone who doesn't feel that there is enough evidence to prove or disprove god.  

I'm spiritual, not religious.  Read through my resources and my books pages and you will find where my thinking is.  I have found a man that believes along these lines as well and, like me, is searching and discovering.  Today, in talking to Kim, she is doing the same, I discover.  Kindred souls, they are out there.  Sometimes it isn't so popular to admit our beliefs and we shared those thoughts today.  How christian friends will listen (kind of) and think...."oh I'm still praying for you, God hasn't given up on you, you know the truth" and yet....that is YOUR truth, perhaps.  Not mine.  Probably one thing that hurts/stings is the constant need for a christian to impress that they know the truth and as a wandering soul, I am the one that is lost.  Perhaps not.  How bout the possibility that you believe in something that doesn't exist and in living in the NOW I am closer to the truth?  Is it really the be all and end all of existence for christians to be right all the time?  I guess that's where the rub comes in.  Listen to me, humor me, and all done condescendingly.  NO.  Not acceptable.  Accept me for who I am, period, not as a lost soul or sinner.  

YEARS ago (I don't even want to think how many), I read an article or book that spoke of friendships and relationships and sometimes, they have just run their course and it's time to let them go and move on. OUCH!  But yes....when that relationship is no longer beneficial and simply hurts or causes anguish?  Time to move on.  I guess it's sort of an agree to disagree thing.  Sad, since there are so few genuine, deep relationships.  But necessary I truly believe.  

Love me, be my friend, accept me for who I am.  Don't be afraid to talk and be honest.  Bare your heart and soul.  Forgive and cut some slack when I am an idiot.  

I will do the same for you.  And love you more than you thought a friend could love you as well.  People are all that matter, after all......

Tuesday, March 12, 2013

Tatata

Keep It Simple Stupid.  I've always subscribed to that.  About 20 years ago I started consciously reading about simplicity and sustainability.  I've always had this urge in me, keep things simple, back to the basics, it's not rocket science....life just doesn't have to be crazy wild and complicated.  Talk.  Be honest.  Communicate.  Listen.  Forgive.  Love.  Simple to me. 

But....I've lived the complicated life regardless, trying annually to renew my resolutions aiming toward simplicity and genuineness.  I think I'm getting there.  I feel like I've found the pivotal point. 

Well.....first, I did find someone that shares a lot of these ideas and thoughts and beliefs withe me and encourages the positive thinking and has made me think of things in a new way....be more open.  Big help and doesn't hurt that I'm falling for him either.  Hard.  Makes me listen even more.

Things I am discovering mean a lot to me are along the line of zen, Buddah, Eastern wisdom and medicine.  Natural healing.  Simplicity.  Sustainability.  Natural materials.  Food that "knows where it comes from."  I feel like I've found a gold mine to research.  Some of my favorite things or things I desire lately are:
...Kombucha, particularly Buddha's Brew Pineapple SuperGreens
...Daily time in the sun to think/meditate - this was a gift from the man mentioned above...his practice that really hit my core.
...Eckhardt Tolle's A NEW EARTH.  Also have THE POWER OF NOW that I'm aching to read.  About being in the NOW.  Letting go of the ego. 
...PEACE IS EVERY STEP by Thich Nhat Hanh - another phenomenal book.
...zenhabits.org.    Outstanding blog, I can't even do it justice praising it.  It captures just what I'm after and want in life.  Peace.  Simplicity.  Happiness.
...desires: to meditate, learn yoga, create a life/home of happiness.  Last night Stacy and I were talking and I mentioned that I've wanted to create a life with someone, build something together.  He put it simply, almost painfully simply and I ache for it too.  He said he wants to be part of a HAPPY TEAM.  To be on that path, on that team with him....my desire.

These are just a few of the things that describe the things that bring me peace, happiness.  I am learning to live in the NOW.  NOW.  Not the past, you can't change it.  Not the future, for if you daydream of the future, you are missing living NOW.  And you can only live now.  I'm getting it, Eckhardt Tolle is driving that home.

I want to do more research on meditation, Buddha, homeopathy, Chinese medicine.  I want to read the Tao Te Ching by Lao Tzu.  Lots of learning left in life.  Lots of happiness, lots of peace.

Buddha called it tatata - the suchness of life, being one with reality.  THAT is what I desire.  Working on it.


Tuesday, March 5, 2013

Are you???

Are you content?  With what you have?  What life has dealt?  I have been pondering this word for a while now. I'm determined to be content.  I'm content in a number of things, but am still in shake em up mode in a lot of areas of my life.  I have to admit, my relationship status was one that left me very unhappy, took me up and down constantly.  I am not good alone.  I'm worse with the wrong person.  Searching for someone?  Well, I don't NEED or have to have someone, it is simply the icing on the cake and I'm a much better me with the RIGHT someone.  I found my icing.  Waiting for him to make sure I'm his icing and then I'll cut loose and really hit him with my love.  But I'm content with this part of my life finally.  Sounds like not enough, doesn't it?  Like it's boring or something....but it's not.  I'm blissfully happy.  I feel like I'm constantly in a state of "peaceful happiness" as it says above.

I used to watch relationships and when I identified those that seemed to have what I wanted, I really zeroed in.  The one that stood for a long time as my measure?  Stacee and Donnie Caseltine.  Both incredibly happy and content.  Exuberant.  Wait, is exuberant beyond content?  But still content, not wishing for change.  Well....anyway, found me my icing, and I gotta say, it is very yummy....hehe.

 Sharing from my favorite blog, zenhabits.net......

The Little Guide to Contentedness

‘He who is contented is rich.’ ~Lao Tzu
Post written by Leo Babauta.
There has been little in my life that has made as much an impact as learning to be content — with my life, where I am, what I’m doing, what I have, who I’m with, who I am.

This little trick changes everything.

Let’s take a look at my life before contentedness:

I was addicted to junk food and fast food, and overweight and unhealthy. I bought too many things on impulse, owned too much clutter, and was deeply in debt and struggling to make it to the next payday. I was unhappy with who I was, wanted desperately to change, tried a thousand different programs and books. I was always worried I was missing out on exciting things, and wanted so much to be out doing the fun things everyone else was doing. I was always changing the way I did things, because it seemed everyone else had a better system or tools. I strove to meet goals, because they would get me to a better life.

And as I learned to be content, here was what changed:

I learned to be happy with healthier food, with less food, and my health improved and waistline shrunk. I relied on a good book, spending time with people I loved, going for a nice run … and my debt began to be reduced as I learned I didn’t need to spend money to enjoy myself. I learned to be happier with who I was, and what I was doing, and so no longer needed self-improvement books and programs, no longer needed to try all kinds of new systems and tools. I became happy with myself, with those around me, and with what I had — and so didn’t need to strive to change everything. Letting go of goals helped me to simplify things so I had less to worry about, less to do.
That’s just the start. There is no way to account for the tremendous change that happens when you learn to accept who you are, when you tell yourself you are perfect just as you are, when you love yourself and everything about yourself. You stop criticizing yourself, you are happier, you are a better person to be around, and you can now help others and work without the insecurities you had before.
This is not a magical state, and doesn’t require any new tools or books. It’s simple, and I’ll share what has worked for me.

Learning to Be Content

If you are in a bad place in your life, and are unhappy with everything about it (job, relationship, yourself, house, habits, etc.), it can be a miserable thing. But here’s something interesting: it can also be a happy thing.

I’ve been in situations where you might think things were bad, and sometimes I was very unhappy, and other times I was happy. The difference wasn’t in the external circumstances, but in my mindset — I learned to appreciate what I had, instead of focusing on the things I didn’t have or didn’t like. I was grateful for my health, for the people in my life, for having food and being alive.

If you can learn to develop the right mindset, you can be happy now, without changing anything else. You don’t need to wait until you’ve changed everything and made your life perfect before you’re happy — you have everything you need to be happy right now.

The mindset of waiting for happiness is a never-ending cycle. You get a better job (yay!) and then immediately start thinking about what your next promotion will be. You get a nicer house and immediately start looking at how nice your neighbors’ houses are, or the faults in the house you have. You try to change your spouse or kids, and if that works (good luck), you’ll find other things about them that need to be changed. It keeps going, until you die.

Instead, learn that you can be content now, without any external changes. Here’s how to start:
  1. Take a moment to be grateful for something. What in your life is amazing? Even if everything seems to suck, there must be one good thing. It might simply be that you have beauty somewhere nearby, or that you are alive, or that your kids are healthy. Find something, and give thanks for that.
  2. Catch yourself thinking, “This sucks.” It’s amazing how often people think this thought. “This sucks!” “My co-worker is the worst — he sucks!” “My wife doesn’t understand me — this suuucks!” It might be in different words, but if you catch yourself thinking something like that, pause. Reverse the thinking. Find a way to be thankful for the situation. “My wife is a caring and sweet person — maybe I should give her a hug.” “My co-worker might be annoying sometimes, but he has a good heart, and maybe I should get to know him better.” “My room might be messy but at least I have a roof over my head.”
  3. Find the little things that can give you simple joys. What do you need to be happy? I love simple things, like taking a walk, spending time with a loved one, reading a book, eating some berries, drinking tea. These cost very little, and require very little, and can make me very happy. Find the simple things that give you similar happiness, and focus on those rather than what you don’t have.
  4. Find the things about yourself that you’re happy with. We tend to criticize ourselves easily, but what if we turned it around and asked, “What do I do right? What am I good at? What is loveable about me?” Make a list. Start to focus on these things rather than what you’re unhappy with.
  5. Do the same with others in your life. Instead of criticizing them, ask yourself, “What is good about this person? What do I love about them?” Make a list, and focus on these things above all else.
  6. Assume that you, others, and life are perfect. You are great, and don’t need improvement. You aren’t a piece of clay that must be shaped and molded into something better — you are already perfect. Other people are also just as perfect, and don’t need improvement. You just need to appreciate them for who they are. The moment we are living in is not a stepping stone to something better — it is exactly wonderful, and we have already arrived at the perfect moment.

The Contented Life

It might be useful to look at what life would be like if you learned to be content:
  1. Self image. We compare ourselves with the images in our head of perfection — movie stars, models in magazines, other people who seem to have it all together — and we can never measure up to those perfect images. But those images are not real. They are an imagined ideal. Even the beautiful people have bad hair days and feel flabby, and if you take away their photoshopped and heavily-made-up façade, you see that they are every bit as human as you are. Even the people who seem successful, living exciting lives — they have the same self-doubts you have. So if they don’t live up to this ideal image, why should you? And even if they did (which they don’t), why would you need to? When we let go of this image of perfection, we realize that we are already exactly who we should be. And then, all our need for self-improvement, and all the activity and effort and pain that implies, fades away. We are happy with ourselves, and nothing else is needed.
  2. Relationships. If you are content with yourself, you are more likely to be a good friend, partner, parent. You are more likely to be happy and friendly and loving, more likely to be as accepting of others as you are of yourself. Relationships improve, especially when others learn to be content with themselves, from your example.
  3. Health. Much of our culture’s unhealthiness comes from unhappiness — eating junk food to give ourselves comfort and relieve stress, not exercising because we think we can’t (because we have a bad self-image), being glued online because we think we might miss something if we turn off the computer or iPhone. When you realize that you aren’t missing anything, and you don’t need junk food to be happy, and you are good enough to exercise, you can slowly return to health.
  4. Possessions. The overload of possessions in our lives comes from unhappiness — we buy things because we think they’ll give us comfort, coolness, happiness, security, an exciting life. When we become content with ourselves and our lives, we realize none of that is necessary, and we can start getting rid of these extraneous crutches.
  5. Busy-ness. Much of our busy-ness comes from fear that we should be doing more, that we might be missing out, that we aren’t enough already. But we are enough, and we don’t need more, and we aren’t missing out. So we can let go of a lot of unnecessary activity, and just focus on doing what we love, and give ourselves the space to enjoy a contented life.
This is all just a few scratches on the surface of a contented life, but it gives you a picture of what might be. And the truth is, once you learn the simple trick of contentedness, it’s really a picture of what already is. You just need to let go of the fears, and see what is already here.
‘Be content with what you have; rejoice in the way things are. When you realize there is nothing lacking, the whole world belongs to you.’ ~Lao Tzu