I've had an ache to have some deep, heart to heart talks, real talks, where the people involved listen and respond and react. Emotions are involved. I don't want the glossy fluff, no drama, just real, good, heartfelt conversation. It can be so hard to find as people are tied up in drama or afraid to really talk and want to be sure and say what you want to hear.....rather what THEY think you want to hear. What I want to hear is honesty and your heart.
Today I had a wonderful talk with an incredibly beautiful woman, someone I've known for years and always admired. She's always made me feel very comfortable talking to her and we often seem to be on similar paths our journeys in our lives. Today we chatted about spirituality and being in the NOW. Exploring options out there....what is the truth? What is OUR truth? We both seem to be of the mind that we need to live in the NOW, not past not future....those are nothing but thoughts. NOW is all there is. We talked about wicca, new age things, books, meditation.....being open to ideas, thoughts.
Here's my flat out belief, hurt some of you though it may. Brief background is I never went to church as a child, not really. Very here and there, but I didn't know any bible stories or songs. Started going to church when I had kids thinking we needed to do that. I became a believer and followed. It was nice to know "this is what WE think and believe." Fast forward and lots happened, specific things made me challenge my faith and yes I know it is man and organized religion that failed me. BUT....that was the impetus to the challenge and searching. I can now safely say that I'm agnostic. Urban dictionary says an agnostic is: Someone who doesn't feel that there is enough evidence to prove or disprove god.
I'm spiritual, not religious. Read through my resources and my books pages and you will find where my thinking is. I have found a man that believes along these lines as well and, like me, is searching and discovering. Today, in talking to Kim, she is doing the same, I discover. Kindred souls, they are out there. Sometimes it isn't so popular to admit our beliefs and we shared those thoughts today. How christian friends will listen (kind of) and think...."oh I'm still praying for you, God hasn't given up on you, you know the truth" and yet....that is YOUR truth, perhaps. Not mine. Probably one thing that hurts/stings is the constant need for a christian to impress that they know the truth and as a wandering soul, I am the one that is lost. Perhaps not. How bout the possibility that you believe in something that doesn't exist and in living in the NOW I am closer to the truth? Is it really the be all and end all of existence for christians to be right all the time? I guess that's where the rub comes in. Listen to me, humor me, and all done condescendingly. NO. Not acceptable. Accept me for who I am, period, not as a lost soul or sinner.
YEARS ago (I don't even want to think how many), I read an article or book that spoke of friendships and relationships and sometimes, they have just run their course and it's time to let them go and move on. OUCH! But yes....when that relationship is no longer beneficial and simply hurts or causes anguish? Time to move on. I guess it's sort of an agree to disagree thing. Sad, since there are so few genuine, deep relationships. But necessary I truly believe.
Love me, be my friend, accept me for who I am. Don't be afraid to talk and be honest. Bare your heart and soul. Forgive and cut some slack when I am an idiot.
I will do the same for you. And love you more than you thought a friend could love you as well. People are all that matter, after all......
No comments:
Post a Comment