And the changes continue

It's been way too long since I've written but I've been debating about this.  Is this blog supposed to be a journal of my inner thoughts?  Uncensored?  A place to air my questions without fear of being judged?  Or have I decided to write it to share with those I care about what is going on? 

Originally it was the latter.  I suppose that is so to an extent still, and because of that I've not written in quite some time.  My life has been chaos, difficult, confusing, out of my control, not of my choosing, something I want to run away from, disassociate myself from.......and as a result I've chosen not to journal about everything going on though it probably would have been a good thing for me to write down and work out what was going on in my head.  But......I've been angry and upset as well and don't want to write things that could be read by someone that would take them personally or misinterpret them, so I've held back.  Still haven't resolved all this but have recently decided that I need to figure out if I can have a completely private place to journal, kind of like Doogie Howser but without reading it to the television camera.

So.....one thing I've learned for the 100th time is to take care of me and do things for me.  I'm still figuring out who Sandy is, after being the girls mom for so long, and I'm finally doing things.  I bought tickets for the girls and I to go to Cirque du  Soleil in a couple weeks.  In May, I'm going to see Trans Siberian Orchestra with a few friends.  I've initiated the contact and event and need to feel more comfortable doing that.  If I want to do something, chances are there is someone else I know out there that does too.  I need to open my mouth and cultivate those friendships more for my own sanity.

*raises glass* here's to hoping I can continue my blog......without long interruptions due to that thing called life.